The Downs of Self-Pity

Okay, back to the show I auditioned for: Tarzan.

I did get called back (which means the directors want to "audition" again to see if you would fit particular roles),for the whole time. There was actually two different time slots, a dancer time slot and a character time slot. Some only got the dancer slot (which was only about a hour) and some got the dancer and character slot. (me! :D)

I was super pumped getting called back, and I actually felt pretty good. I have gotten called back numerous times before this show, but never have I felt so satisfied with my performance. I sang a song (wow, that's a surprise) and did a few scenes with other people. When I was up performing in front of others, it made me realize how much I love to sing, dance and act!

One of my favorite scenes that I did was when I was Jane and some one else was Porter (the dad). I knew I would never get Jane, but it was still fun to try! The most important thing was, though, I finally got to use my British accent for the better of the community. :)

After callbacks I went home and daydreamed about my roles. Now, from past experience I learned not to have my hopes too high. In one show I was almost certain I was going to get a role, and guess what? I didn't. So I went home and cried and felt sorry for myself, but now I know better.

The cast list took an unbearably long amount of time, which makes sense because so many great people auditioned. I was literally pulling at my hair all night long in anticipation for the grand announcement to appear out of the dark.

And finally.... it was up. I found out in the weirdest way, actually. I was getting ready for school and my mom bursts in and says "It's up!"
And ya think after a few days of torture I would know what she's talking about.

But no. I dumbly replied, "What's up?"

Finally, I got the jist and pulled the phone out of my mom's hand and started reading. Turns out, there's a double cast! And also...

I'm an ensemble.

Again.

For five shows, and now for my sixth, I have all been in the ensemble.

Let's admit it, I was disappointed. Like, I didn't have my hopes up really high, but I thought I would get at least a minor role.

But no, ensemble it is.

Tears were actually in my eyes, and I put on a smiley face for my mom and sister who is also an ensemble, and stayed in my room alone and felt sorry for myself, again.

I tried so hard, I wanted to be a main part so hard, why couldn't God just give me it for once!

I think we've all had that feeling before. If you tried out for some sport and didn't get in. Or entered a competition, and didn't win.  That feeling of total self-pity brings us down.

One of the directors famous quotes was, "You have 24 hours to feel sorry for yourself, cry that you didn't get the role, or celebrate 'cause you did. But the next day, you gotta be ready for work."

I am sorry to say that is not me. I need the whole show to experience self-pity, and then in the next show get over it.

But I am working on it. (like many other things in life)

You know, my parents, my directors, my friends- the all say the same thing. God put you in that role for a reason. And I need to start believing that.

I am not going to have fun if I sit around rehearsals and shows, not talking to anybody, just dreaming how good I would be in a certain role.

I will have fun, however, if I quit whining and get up and do my absolute best. Give everything I got, even if it isn't what I wanted. 'Cause the Big Man Upstairs had a different plan than what I wanted, so I'm going to go with it because I know it's the right one.

Maybe getting a main role would've been too stressful. Or maybe I might of had an emergency on one of the show days, and couldn't make it. Maybe it's for the better,

'Cause God made it turn out this way for the better.

And things could be a lot worse. I could be the only ensemble with a group of little kids. Or maybe I would only be on for a few scenes. I could have no friends with me.

So really, I am pretty lucky.

And there's always a next show! Always a next time.

But for now I should focus on what I have, and not what I want.

It's like if you were in kindergarten, and the teacher is going around, giving different colors of paper to each kid. And you want blue. You really, really want blue. Because it's the best color of the world, and you love it so much.

With a smile, the teacher hands you green.

And you know what they say, "You get what you get but you don't throw a fit."

After a minute of whining, you decide to do something with that green piece of paper.

And you but all of your effort and ability into that one sheet of green paper, and make something amazing. Like a green horse, or a pretty green sea.

And the teacher takes your paper and shows it to the whole class for them to see and says, "Look at how a nice job Billy Bob did with this paper!" And you feel happy.

And green's your new favorite color.

So that's how we should treat disappointments in our lives. Give it up to God and say, "You know, I really didn't want this, but your giving it to me so I can do something awesome with it and give it right back to you. So help me appreciate this wonderful opportunity that you gave and be with me the whole way."

The challenge of this post is either: If you feel disappointed, try your best to give it to God. Or, if you see your friend down, help them by telling them it's all God's plan, and it's going to work out splendidly. No British accent included. :)


So a word of advice to you, and me when you're feeling disappointed..

Take a deep breath, suck it up, and give it to God.