God is really so amazing. So, so, so very amazing.
Last night was a roller coaster for me. It was my school's biannual Father Daughter Dance. I was actually pretty excited! I loved my dress, and I made my hair look all fancy (which I don't get to do very often. :D). My dad, my sister and I went to a nice, quaint little Italian restaurant. It was all going pretty well, and I loved it so far!
I got to the dance, and not a lot of people were there. So we took some pictures, went into the Photo Booth, and got a picture with Elsa. (Yes, the Elsa from Frozen was actually there. I was quite excited.)
As more and more of my classmates showed up, more and more groups were being formed. I am a floater at nature, so I just went around and started to talk to people. They all pretty much said the same thing . "Oh, hey Maddie, I like your dress," and then they would go back to talking to their "friends". The more people I would talk to, the sadder I felt. I realized no one really wanted to talk to me. It wasn't like they were trying to be rude, they just would rather talk to other people. Some of them wouldn't even say hello.
I sat down with my dad, and we started talking. It was actually really cool, because most of the time I talk to my mom about my social problems and stuff. But to hear it from my Dad, I realized how much we are alike.
For some reason, I had a longing to go talk to God. The church was actually open, and empty, so my Dad and I went in there. It was dark except for the candle that is on almost the whole year. And all of these messy and raw emotions were pouring out of me, and I couldn't stop crying. I didn't get it. I just didn't get it. I felt like I have always been there for all of my friends. I would help them if they needed a ride home, or if they were feeling sad I would cheer them up. If their family member died, I would always try to tell them it would be okay.
So shouldn't they want to talk to me? Am I not social? Am I awkward, or weird? Why don't they want to socialize with me?
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I realized that all this emotion was bottling up inside of me for awhile. In school, anyways, I don't really have a best friend. I am friends with pretty much everyone, but nothing more than just simple "Hey, how's it going?" friends. I don't get invited to much, and they probably wouldn't want to hang out with me outside of school.
During conversations, I am always that person who is like "So what did you guys do?" Or "What are you talking about?" Because most of the talk consists of stuff they did together outside of school. I know I shouldn't be jealous, and I know it shouldn't bother me.... but some how it still does.
I remember one time I was invited to go bowling. I was so excited because like I mentioned before, I don't get invited to much. Turns out, I couldn't make it. Our family commitment this year has been Adoration. We will never miss Adoration unless it is an emergency. Well, guess when my event was? Right in the smack dab middle of our hour.
It's okay though, I went to CVS and my mom bought me some Oreos. I ate them all (it was a small box) and I didn't regret it.
So anyway, here I was, in the front pew of a dark church, crying. I didn't get it, I didn't get anything. But the only thing I did get is how amazing God is to let me cry out all my feelings to him.
My dad, who was with me during some of that time, left to go check on my sister. So it was just me and God, in an empty church.
I started whispering to God everything that I felt that time. I feel like God took all of my anger, and sadness, and turned it around into grace and comfort. I could feel Him working inside of me, comforting me.
Then a big realization jumped upon me.
What I was feeling, what I was sobbing about... is what Jesus feels
every single day.
I feel like I was always the good friend. I did everything right and I was always there for them... yet the still didn't want to hang out with me.
Jesus is ultimately the best friend anyone could ever have. Everything He does is perfect for us. He will always be here for us, and yet sometimes we ignore Him in turn for our other "friends". He is constantly crying for our sins. But He still has the time to comfort us, even with our piddly little human ramblings.
He died for us, and we just continue to turn our backs. So who was I to complain about not having girls want to talk to me?
I sat in God's presence for awhile.. then I heard a crack and realized that someone else was in the church. So, as you can imagine, I skedaddled out of there. I apologize to that person if they heard my ramblings.
But God, being amazing and always wanting His children to have fun, prompted me to go back
downstairs and join the party again. Well, join I did. I found some of my friends and started dancing to "Let it Go", with them. Turns out, I also won a raffle! God is really hilarious, because I never win anything, and the one time I do, I wasn't there to hear it!
All in all, the last part of the night was wonderful. We went out for ice cream afterward... a perfect end to a crazy day.
God really will take all your sorrows and mold them into something better. I remember telling God in the church "I know something good will come out of this, but I am not sure what." Well now I do.
God, you are so amazing.
All through Christ,
Maddie
