Sometimes it's something you want to do. Sometimes, you realize, it's something you have to do.
And I made it my goal for my sixteenth year of being alive. I have to change. (pretty broad, right? :) )
If I settle for mediocrity, then what's the use? If I keep waking up in the mornings without a reason, what's the point in living? If I keep complaining about things I am so blessed to have, then am I really grateful when I say "thank you"?
I have changed a lot in the past year. There have been things within the past 365 days that have made me see things in a completely new light. All these things have lead me to realize that change is inevitable. If you welcome it with open arms, if you seek it, if you ask for the grace to implement it into your life... then you feel just a little more prepared. You have God behind you to support you. You'll feel awkward, you'll feel like you're peeling off layers of your soul but then you will feel better. Because change is a bandaid- it hurts the moment you rip it off, but then you realize that you've been healed.
So that's what I'm working on right now. Becoming a better person. Not just for me, but for you. Because you deserve better. Not just for you, but for my family. Because they deserve better. My friends deserve better. My future spouse deserves better. And I want to face God at the end of my life and look Him square in the eye and say "I worked hard to be who You wanted me to be". Because I would feel ashamed if I didn't try.
And that's what I've been working on the past few months. You've probably noticed I haven't posted recently. Yeah, I've noticed too and I've kind of felt guilty but then I realize that my focus and energy should be first given in other things, not just to my blog. In order for my words to bring Christ, I must first be completely centered in Christ. I mean, yes, I know Him, but I need to fill myself up with HIM so you don't hear me. You hear your Savior. (If that makes any sense).
I've been doing this blogging thing for awhile. It's been a little more than three years now. But not until recently have I realized what blogging is. It shouldn't be about me. Sometimes I make it all about me. It shouldn't be all about my struggles. But it should be about me, my struggles, my achievements AND how God has worked through them. And how good He is. It should be the Holy Spirit nudging inside of me the words to say so that I can help you.
So that means I'm going to be real. And I like to think the last few posts, I have been real with you guys. And that's freeing. And I like that. But I don't want to preach, I don't want to tell you how to live your life, and I don't want to make you feel like there is only one way to pray, or only one way to be happy because Lord knows that is so not true.
But to be real I kind of need to take a step back and figure out what that is. I want to be better, I want to change, so that I may help others change for Christ. And if I'm still centered around me, that can't happen. I can't stand here and tell you about these good, Christian things when I go home and make the same mistakes again. I am a sinner, and I always will be, even if I work my tail off but something I saw in another blogger's welcome post was "brokenness is welcome here". And I like that. Because I am broken, you are broken, everyone is broken. And no matter what I do, I will still be broken and I will still be a sinner. But that does not mean I cannot feel God's love. And it's my duty as a Christian to spread that love, and I believe God gave me the gift of writing to help me do that. So that's what I'm going to do... but first... I need to work on being better. :) (And also making this blog better... been doing some research for a new, more professional looking site so yaayy)
This is not goodbye, just au revuoir. Until we meet again. So I would appreciate prayers, if you guys don't mind. Know that I am praying for you! And if you need anything, just let me know at randommusings13@gmail.com . I would love to help you. :)
All through Christ,
Maddie
